Recently, I learned a trick for falling asleep when conditions are not ideal for rest. (I promise this has relevancy for writing, stick with me.) Starting with closed eyes, relax the eyes. Feel them deepening into your sockets. Then let go of any tension in your face. Move on to another part of the body.…
Being a writer is a stressful profession not only for the author, but for family members too, so here’s a little tribute to the men in our lives.
THE WRITER’S WIDOWER
Quickly repeat these words ten times. Writer’s widower…writer’s widower…writer’s widower… Okay, now, that the fun is over, what in the heck am I talking about?
My definition of writer’s widower: A husband whose wife is a writer. The word “husband” can be substituted with spouse or significant other, or the phrase could read ‘A wife whose husband is a writer’, but since the majority of romance writers are female, this article is about women authors and their men.
Most men don’t marry a woman expecting her to warp into a romance writer. They marry for things like steady sex, family, and companionship, but when their wives become writers, those things fly out the window for long periods of time.
When writing, authors tend to block out every interruption. We tape skull and crossbones, or enter at your own risk notices on our doors, or hang do not disturb signs on the handles. We ignore the blare of the TV, kids arguing with one another, a plate crashing to the floor—unless they’re happening in our characters’ lives.
We stock our writing area with essentials like chocolate, coffee, and wine so we don’t have to get out of our chairs except to run, and I mean run, to the bathroom. We stare at the wall, the ceiling, and the blinking cursor on a blank page as minutes tick by. Time does not exist. Nor does sleep, nourishment, or fashion.
We’re not in our world—we’re in the world of our characters—in their time and place, their home, job, and family. We mimic our characters’ feelings and emotions. We cease being ourselves and become missing in action, and our husbands become widowers.
I thank God every day for my husband. During my writer’s trance, he dons the hat of housekeeper, laundress, cook, and bottle washer. And when I feel he’s reached his limit of no companionship, I give him a little sex.
I don’t want him to totally be a writer’s widower!
How does your husband support your writing or deal with being a writer’s widower?
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There are four children in my family. Tim is the oldest, then me, Debbie, and my younger brother, Terry.
Tim and I are twenty-three months apart and as kids, we constantly fought. Now, we’re best friends – probably because we live in different parts of the country! I call him every Friday night and we talk for hours about politics, religion, the stock market, and everything in between. We usually end up reminiscing about our childhood.
“Why did we fight so much when we were younger?” I asked Tim last Friday.
“Cause you wanted to follow me around and do whatever I did. Like the time you climbed into the tree house after me, even though I said you couldn’t.” He grunted. “You’ve always been stubborn.”
“Even back then, you should’ve known not to tell me I can’t do something. Besides, as soon as I sat on the planks, you pushed me out. It’s a good thing I fell into the sand box below.”
“Yeah, and Mom gave me the whipping of my life.”
The next day, Dad built sides on the tree house.
Do you have a sibling story of your own? Please tell us in the comment area.
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Romance Writers of America, 2014 Golden Heart® Finalist
Yourlovelymuse is following my blog, and when I visited their blog, I liked this article, so I’m passing it on. Hope you enjoy it.
If you’ve stumbled across this blog, chances are you’re what people call “the creative type.” Perhaps you travel across the country on trains, or you’re busy creating sculptures out of your neighbors recycling bin. Maybe you draw pornographic anime on old vhs tapes, or make your own wine out of grape juice and yeast packets. Maybe you’re a writer, an expert on surrealism, a fashion designer, a musician, or just a working stiff with a wild side. You might live in a busy city, a quiet beach, a suburb, in a house, a loft, an rv, or even a park. Regardless, you’ve just come across this blog because you are different. You have the insatiable desire to leave a mark on the world in your own unique way, the need to live differently and be inspiring. Welcome, readers, to alternative how to. A guide for anything and everything related to…
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Though today is not Wednesday, this message is true any day of the week.
I heard someone say recently that our emotions do not define us.
You can be angry without being an angry person.
You can be brave without thinking of yourself as courageous.
You can find peace in the rocky places of life.
You I can be kind to someone without forgiving them.
The point is that we are more than the sum of our emotions and actions.
Grief or feeling betrayed or hurt or angry is a fleeting thing. What matters is how we respond in the long run.
I’m trying to choose peace and kindness. Some days are better than others.
If you want to get the most out of life, answer these questions.
Do you put your own needs on the back burner? – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but not at the expense of yourself. Do something that matters to you, follow your passion.
Do you hold onto the past? – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one. Take decisive action. Making progress involves risk, but no one makes it to second base with their foot on first.
Do you procrastinate? – Putting off or ignoring a problem usually creates more trouble. Nobody likes to deal with unpleasant situations because it forces us beyond our comfort zones.
Do you overlook the beauty of small moments? – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Do you follow the path of least resistance? – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
Do you act like everything is fine when it isn’t? – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there’s no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
Do you worry too much? – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Do you focus on what you don’t want to happen? – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Following these suggestions will help you get the most out of life.
Please leave a comment if you have problems that hinder your enjoyment of living.
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Golden Heart® Finalist
Wednesday morning my husband burst into our bedroom. “You’ve got a phone call.”
“Who is it?” I was groggy. I’d been up till three AM writing on my next novel.
“She said something about your book and a golden heart.”
I’m dreaming…or so I thought until he picked up my hand and slapped the phone into my palm. I transferred the damn thing to my other hand and rubbed my smarting palm on the edge of the bed. “Hello?”
“Congratulations. You’re a finalist in the Golden Heart contest,” said the woman on the other end of the line.
She continued, but I couldn’t comprehend her words over the buzzing in my ears. My body shook. I pounded my chest to make my lungs suck in air before I passed out. I must have responded appropriately, because she congratulated me again and hung up. I ran from the room screaming and crying.
My husband hugged me and endured my strange behavior for a few minutes. “This is unbelievable. I so proud of you, honey.”
I nodded. Totally unbelievable.
Oh. My. God.
What if they made a mistake? Called the wrong person? I rushed to my computer and signed on to the Romance Writers of America’s website.
This is what I read. I’ve highlighted the most important part.
Romance Writers of America (RWA), the trade association for aspiring romance fiction authors, announces the finalists for the Golden Heart® Awards. The Golden Heart recognizes excellence in unpublished romance manuscripts with finalists in seven categories chosen from more than 1,200 manuscript entries each year.
Finalists in the category of Romantic Suspense
“Dangerous Dreams” by Abbie Roads
“Fatal Fragrances” by Connie Taxdal
“In a Sea of Change” by Deborah Wilding
“Secrets That Kill” by Sarah Andre
“See Her No More” by Sharon Wray
Did you hear me scream again?
Thank you for visiting my website and congratulations to the other five 2014 Golden Heart finalists!
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